This is potentially the most difficult conversations you could have with your child. And while you may hope it never comes to that, you may inevitably find yourself talking to your child about your imminent divorce. It’s okay. It’s difficult for everyone, but there are some do’s and don’ts to remember before going into the conversation.
Kids are resilient. They can take a lot, but any child is going to have a tough time dealing with the divorce of their parents and the breakup of a family. That’s why there are steps out there and some strong do’s and don’ts to make sure your child is as taken care of mentally and emotionally as possible.
Below are some of the most important things to remember when it comes to talking to your child about divorce.
Plan it out
Another painful part of the process is practicing for it but it has to be done. You don’t want to go into this conversation with a plan and without preparation for any possible reaction. There may be anger, sadness, blame, or even a lack of emotion. All of it is something you should prepare for to give your child the best chance at digesting the information. If, for some reason, you and your spouse are not on speaking terms to plan out the conversation, mediators are available to help. If you have kids of different age groups, you’re going to want to plan out different modes of communication.
Do it together
While you’re not staying together, you are a parental unit to your child and your child will continue to have a relationship with both of you. So they need to hear the truth from both of you. It may be difficult for you and your spouse to come together on this and communicate, but it is key. It’s also incredibly important you tell your kids at the same time if you have more than one to avoid any one child shouldering the burden of secret information and so your children who do not yet know don’t hear it second hand.
Avoid blame
While you and your spouse may privately blame one another for the breakdown of your marriage, it’s important your children not be privy to any sort of blaming or guilt narrative, especially because children are prone to blame themselves in divorce situations. It’s about your family and making sure the family can survive and thrive, even if it means being apart.
Related Questions
How much info should I give my kids?
Even your adult children don’t need to know the details of why exactly it is you’re seeking a divorce. However, your older children, such as teenagers and up can understand a fair bit will be curious to know what happened. Be as honest as is appropriate.
How do I talk to my young children about our divorce?
You’ll want to be aware of developmental stages and issues that can come with age groups. For example, your younger kids will have no understanding of the complexity of a relationship and divorce. They also have the notion that the world revolves around them so they may take the situation very personally. Be on the lookout for signs of anger and distress that may manifest as learning disorders or lack of sleep.
Talk to your partner about the best way to approach your kids with honesty and care and don’t wait to talk to your children about your divorce.
If you are thinking of divorce and have children, seeking the advice and services of an experienced divorce and family lawyer is in your best interest. Divorce and custody cases can be messy, overwhelming, and complicated, especially when you and your soon to be ex are unable to agree on the terms.
At Rappleye & Rappleye P.C., we are committed to provide expert representation for our clients. Our divorce and family law firm has been serving the residents of Jackson, MI for over 60 years, with a solid history of success. Let us help you in your family law case, and we will put our experience to work for you!