Even if you have gone through a divorce yourself, it can be challenging to know what to do or say when your friend is going through it. It doesn’t matter if the split is amicable or not. It’s still an emotional time and watching your loved one go through all the emotions can make you feel helpless and frustrated.
You’ve tried everything you know to do for your friend dealing with divorce, and nothing seems to help. You feel helpless and unsure of how you can help your friend.
So how can you support your friend going through a divorce?
The first thing you should do is listen. Don’t show pity, don’t give advice, and don’t try to compare your breakup to what they’re going through. Sometimes your best intentions can make things worse.
There are many ways you can help your friend get through this difficult time. It’s things you’ve done a million times, and you already know, but a gentle reminder is beneficial. Below you’ll find these how you can help your friend; some you probably know while others you may not have thought of before.
Just Listen
You probably want to try to say the right thing, but there’s nothing you can say that will change how they feel. Most people aren’t looking for advice. They simply want someone to be there for them. Allow your friend the freedom to speak their mind and listen to them. If they ask you a question, respond to it gently without judgment. Even if the marriage were unhealthy, they would miss their partner. During these times, accept what they’re feeling without arguing or telling them they shouldn’t miss them.
Validate Your Loved One’s Feelings
When going through a divorce, your friend can go through various emotions, sometimes all at once. It can seem like one minute they’re happy. The next minute may feel scared, relief, happiness, and even regret. Let her feel them all. Don’t tell her that she should be feeling something else or wrong. The best thing to say during these times is I know it’s hard. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and no matter what, I am here for you.
Don’t Trash Their Ex
No matter how tempting it is, avoid saying bad things about their ex. This is especially tricky if they’re the ones doing it. The thing about this is more than likely, their feelings are going to change, and they may want to talk about how they miss them. If you’ve trashed talked to them, they may be too ashamed to talk to you when they miss them. When you’re with them, they start saying negative things about their ex and validate their emotions without expressing your feelings.
Bring a Small Group of Friends to Them
Going through a time like this, most likely, your friend doesn’t want to get ready for a night on the town and would much rather just stay home and watch TV. Bring a small group of friends over and do this with her. Bring over some junk food, come over and just hang out. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, they probably appreciate it more than you know.
Offer To Help
When going through something complicated like a divorce, asking for help may be difficult, especially if the person doesn’t like doing that. Don’t say things like if you need anything, let me know. The chances are that won’t happen. Instead, call and say you’re coming over with dinner, watch the kids while you take some time for yourself.
Don’t Press for Details
You may think this will help, but it’s not. Sometimes going into details makes things worse instead of better. You let them know if they need to talk. You’re there to listen, but don’t pressure your friend. Avoid asking leading questions like how the partner reacted during specific times. Everyone copes with grief differently. Let them lead.
Accept Their Dating Life
Maybe you think it would help them get over their ex if you set them up. No. Don’t do this no matter how tempted you may be. Or the opposite may be true. Perhaps they start seeing someone right away, and you feel shocked. Remember, it’s their choice, and they’re doing what’s best for them. Don’t offer advice; instead, just let them know you care about them and you’re ready to hang out to talk anytime they want to.
Summary
Supporting a friend through a divorce can be difficult, but it can help you learn how to be a friend in good times and in bad. The best thing to remember is to be the friend you’d want if you were going through a similar situation.
Support from friends and family are a huge plus, but it’s also important to have the appropriate representation from an experienced divorce attorney so that you can navigate the process while protecting your rights and wellbeing.
The divorce and family law attorneys at Rappleye & Rappleye, P.C. Jackson MI, have the experience and compassion to help. We are prepared to offer our clients knowledgeable representation on a wide range of issues that range from legal separation, property division, child custody, spousal support and more. Divorce is about the future, not the past, so if you are ready to move on, call for a Free Consultation today!