Divorce affects approximately half of all first marriages and roughly more than half of all second marriages; so, if you’ve experienced divorce, you’re not alone. Whatever the ages, whatever the reason, most couples try to stick it out for as long as they can for one main reason: the kids.
Being a single parent due to divorce comes with its challenges but there is hope for all involved.
After some time however, you start to wonder— are you really doing what’s best for them? Being exposed to constant bickering has to be as detrimental as being apart, doesn’t it?
The point is, once divorce does become real, give yourself a break; you’ve clearly always done the best for them, and you’ll continue to do so even after divorce.
This goes without saying, and yet, it needs to be said. Things will change. Your lifestyle, your routine, your kids’ behavior, and most especially— your confidence.
If you expect your confidence to fall, that’s half the battle and will make you more prepared. Your confidence will fall; not only have you separated from the once ‘love of your life’ making you question your values as a person, but instead of being able to consult with someone about this crazy thing called parenthood, you’re all alone.
There’s no doubt you’ll question every decision and move you make with your kids, but remember— you’ve always had them in mind, so there’s no doubt you’re doing your best.
People will judge you. Other parents at school. Your friends. Your family. Expect that and learn to let it roll off your back. What others think should have no influence on your life and parenting. Remember, they haven’t walked in your shoes and you need to show your kids that what people think of you does not matter.
Once again, preparing is half the battle. You’ll most likely even judge yourself as yet another form of lack of self-confidence. The key is that although people are mean, or perhaps family members are clueless of the entire situation; surround yourself with positive in the beginning.
The people that matter in your life will be supportive, if they’re not, then its time to separate from them too.
Be friendly with your ex
The #1 rule to be a good parent after divorce is: be kind to your ex. No matter what and especially in front of the kids.
The best thing that you can do as a parent after divorce is to make the few times that you are with your kids and your ex, positive experiences. This way your children will always have a positive reminder of who their parents are, whether they choose to be married, or live in the same household, or not.
The good and the bad
With all the new and unexpected changes taking place, your kids are going to misbehave. They have to live in new homes, with new rules, in a new life.
That doesn’t mean it will be a bad life, simply that its new and they need time to adjust, just like you.
So, expect that they will misbehave, at your house, at your spouse’s; the transitions back and forth will change them. The solution is to be patient with them and patient with yourself. If you notice a new rule or routine not working, adjust it for their benefit.
This doesn’t mean that they’ll be permanently bad either, they’re still good kids, and you’re still a good parent.
There is life after divorce, it about a new beginning. Part of surviving divorce is to know that you can still be a good parent and maybe under new circumstances you ca be a better parent.
If you are contemplating divorce or separation Rappleye & Rappleye Family Law can help. We are prepared to offer our clients knowledgeable representation on a wide range of issues that range from legal separation to child support, parenting time, property division and more! With over 6o years’ experience our Jackson Family Law Firm can help guide you and work to obtain favorable results, so that you can rebuild your future. Call today!