One question that always comes up when couples with children are contemplating divorce is whether or not the divorce will be too much of an emotional strain on the children. To start, this is not a reason to stay married. If a relationship is not working, you’re doing more damage to your family by forcing yourselves together than you are by separating.
Divorce and separation are always going to be tough situations for any member of the family, especially children.
So, anticipating how the divorce will affect your child is an important part of your research into the process. Below are some important ways divorce can affect children and how it might display emotionally, physically or mentally.
Age related stress
The age of your children will play a big part in how they respond to news of divorce. Younger children tend to be more confused than anything else. They are also the most susceptible to equating their parents lack of love for each other with a lack of love for them.
Middle school aged children tend to believe that the divorce may somehow be their fault and respond to it with a lot of guilt. Teenagers tend to respond with more frustration and outward anger and may even blame one parent or both for the disillusion of the family.
Stress manifests in many ways including weight loss/gain or developing nervous habits as they are trying to process change and disruption. Withdrawal from social activities or sports or loss of interest may also result. Signs that they need reassurance they are loved, they are not at fault, and that help is always available.
Familial closeness
Even when custody is shared, a child is going to lose a sense of closeness and intimacy with whichever parent is not their main caregiver. Most often, this is the father. This can lead to a break down in the emotional bond between parents and children and create emotional rifts that can be hard to sort through.
Children may not see their other parent’s home as their own space, despite having their own room and items at the house. This can take an emotional toll on a child who feels they have somehow lost one of their parents.
Risky responses
One of the first places the emotional toll of divorce appears for children is in academic work. They may often begin to fall behind as they become distracted from the stress, or they begin failing at academics as a way to act out. This could escalate into more risk-taking behavior, especially for teenage children. This could be experimenting with substances or sexual activity before they are ready and it’s safe to do so.
Additional Questions
How do finances in a divorce affect children?
When your finances are hurt, your children are the ones who suffer. Often one parent is going to be without a significant source of income as a result of the divorce and depending on laws and prenuptial agreements, may or may not be owed financial assistance. This means your child’s accustomed lifestyle may change which will cause them frustration and sometimes fear.
How can I help my child adjust to a divorce?
Remember that no matter what happened in your marriage, your child is innocent. Don’t put them in the middle of fights or use them as stand-ins for your spouse during arguments. Keep an open line of communication and put their well being first when decisions are being made. This could mean allowing your child’s custody to go to your ex-spouse. You need to be honest and selfless in this process.
Talk to a family law professional about the process of divorce and how emotional support can make it easier on your family.
The family law and divorce attorneys at Rappleye & Rappleye P.C. in Jackson understand and recognize the emotional stress surrounding the end of a union and breaking up of a family. We have been protecting people’s rights and interests surrounding family law issues throughout Michigan for more than 60 years and are committed to providing the best possible care and representation.
Proper and compassionate legal representation will make all the difference on the divorce process. Call and speak with an experienced divorce attorney for sound advice and guidance. Free Consultations.