On the day of your wedding, divorce certainly would never cross your mind. In fact, it is probably one of the happiest days of your life and just like with the fairytales you were taught when you were young, people in love should live happily ever after. However, this is not always the case. Roughly fifty percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Unless the divorce is uncontested, you can expect to have a rocky road ahead of you during the divorce proceedings.
Aside from the legal process of ending a marriage, divorce is an emotional process as well.
If you are unsure what to expect from a divorce, here are five emotional stages of divorce that you are likely to experience when going through a divorce.
Denying The Divorce
Whether you are the one who is receiving the divorce or the one who is initiating the divorce, there is a point where denial creeps in, and you doubt whether this is the best course of action. “Can we work it out? Is this the best option for the children?” “Did he really cheat?” “Can I look past this?” These are all questions that come to mind as you try to process the divorce. In addition, you may be filled with grief during this period, wondering how the marriage went from the happiest day of your life to a partner demanding a divorce.
Anger and Fighting
After denial and grief, the reality that the divorce will happen triggers the emotion of anger. After the initial shock of it all, couples may start to retaliate to regain some level of control over the situation. Typically, the anger is directed toward the one who wants the divorce, known as the leaver. The leavee will do everything to paint the leaver in the worst light and try to point out all their faults to retain some level of dignity. This can turn into petty squabbles or intense fighting that may result in orders of restraint.
Attempted Reconciliation
After the shock and anger period, there will be a cooling period in which the leavee may have a change of heart and try to appease the leaver to reconcile the marriage. Usually, this occurs after the leavee takes a long hard look at the situation, particularly from a financial standpoint and how this will affect the children. If there is a chance that the relationship can be salvaged, it is at this point that the leaver may change her mind and work with the leavee to seek counseling from a therapist or through their faith.
Depression
Depression is the lowest point of the stages of divorce. It is the hard, cruel realization that the leavee has done all she can do, but the leaver will proceed with the divorce. At this point, there is no more fighting, denial, or bargaining. This is a very dangerous part of the divorce process because it can lead to drinking, drug abuse, and even personal harm or harm to others. At this point, the leavee should consider getting counseling to deal with the strong emotional trauma they may be facing from the divorce.
Acceptance
Acceptance of the divorce doesn’t make it any easier to process. However, this is the point at which most healing can begin. At this point, neither the leaver nor the leavee is trying to reconcile the relationship. Instead, they have both accepted the legal proceedings as a reality and try to work out the divorce terms in the most equitable manner. There still may be bad blood and grief, but both parties have concluded that it is best to part ways.
Divorce can be a very troubling time for all parties involved. There may be power struggles, physical fighting, arguing, sadness, restraining orders, and more to complicate matters. However, if you are going through stages of divorce, you don’t have to feel powerless. It is wise to seek legal counseling from a divorce attorney during the process. If necessary, you should also seek therapy, especially if you feel compelled to harm yourself or others.
For more than 60 years, our Family and Divorce Law Office has helped clients in Jackson Michigan and beyond navigate the ins and outs of divorce. We are prepared to offer our clients knowledgeable representation on a wide range of issues that range from legal separation to child custody, division of property, child support and orders of protection. If you have questions, are thinking of divorce or have family law issues, we are here to help. Call and speak with a family law attorney today.