Adult children of divorce have their perspectives about their childhood. Although growing up in a divorced family is unique to each child they seem to have a common thread that makes them no different than any other child in the world. They love both their mother and their father and just want to know that the end of a marriage is not the end of the world.
If you are contemplating a divorce or separation the Divorce Attorneys at Rappleye &Rappleye serving the Jackson area can help.
For children, it can be extremely difficult to navigate life and feelings during a family break-up so there are a few things for parents going through a divorce to keep in mind. As Parents wonder and worry about the children they must assure them that they are loved and it’s not their fault. Adult children of divorce may look back and always wonder. Who wouldn’t?
Parents try and hide or mask their pain from their children for good reason. They don’t want to upset the kids. Kids are smarter than you think and pick up on the “faking it” defense mechanism. In turn, kids learn how to “fake it” because they don’t want to be a burden to their parents. This can make parents feel as if the kids don’t need them, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Years of masking can lead to isolation. If you need emotional support, ask for help, this will show your kids that is ok to get help, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Treating your kids as “messengers” or therapists is highly resented, especially as an adult when they look back on their childhood. Your children need you to be a parent, not a victim. A much healthier and smarter way to continue a relationship with your kids and not your ex is to perhaps use divorce as a lesson, in forgiving others, accepting and loving others despite their imperfections or even setting personal boundaries. Find a respectful way to communicate without involving the kids in a negative way. They will never forget it.
Also, don’t be the parent that lets things slide. This can be a common behavior as a single parent trying to do it all and ignoring the day to day discipline that a parent should enforce. It could be enforcing household chores, monitoring screen time and eating dinner together. All things that are easy to let go. Kids remember and seek family moments and in the long run don’t need you to be a friend but rather a parent.
Keeping these few things in mind, children of divorce will grow up and remember that you were there for them and tried your best. If you are contemplating divorce or separation Rappleye & Rappleye Family Law can help. We understand that every client has their own unique circumstances, and we will work closely with you to pursue the best possible course of action. With over 6o years’ experience our Family Law Firm can help guide you and work to obtain favorable results, so that you can rebuild your future.
Divorce doesn’t have to be about an end, it can be about a new beginning for everyone.